How I Know The Crush Means.


It start on November 2015. I was a senior supervisor at electronic factory and this is my first time ever to work in manufacturing industry. I have a cheerful personality and always smile when meet with other people except with man. Actually at that time, it had been about three or four months since I broke up with my first love. I moved on but I don't want have any commitment in relationship.

My routine every morning was refill the water tank since I need to handle many big machines. I need to walk back and forth between my workplace and production side since I just had two 2L jugs. Every day I need back and forth 10m x 10 times. Sounds easy but it kinda troublesome.

One day, there is a guy opened up a door for me. I throw a smile (because someone being nice to me) and said thank you but he only make a stone face. Few days later, I walked with my friend and saw him. I told my friend that guy have a babyface looks. I want to say handsome but I don't want my friend get me wrong and the babyface term maybe the right way to replace it. Hihi. And my friend replied that guy maybe same age with us and I kinda shock because I thought that guy looks like a teenager. Bwahaha. And she said that guy already had a girlfriend. Disappointed? Nope. Not yet.

So, I know a little bit about his name and his real age. Guess what, he is a year older than me. His supervisor workplace just beside me and sometimes he came to meet his supervisor and of course I had a chance to see someone with a good looking. Most of the men in my factory are old, bald and unattractive. Hehe.

We started to have a conversation when he needs to give a mask since his work need to mix the chemical that produce a pungent smell. And there is where we start our friendship. He is totally a joker and annoying. It had been a while since I'm comfortable with other guy besides my first love. And I don't know when I started waiting for him to meet his supervisor. I realized that I had a crush to him but I cannot told him because he already have a girlfriend. Yes, I know my limit and I wouldn't over it.

We did hangout twice. First, hangout at Mamak after working overtime. Second, he took me to some places because I am new with the state. It just like friend hangout and nothing more than that. But sometimes his gesture made me blushed for a while. You must be wonder if his girlfriend know about our outing? He admit that he didn't tell his girlfriend because he have some issues with her. Me being happy about it? I don't like to look him in that way so I did advised him that his girlfriend is young and in her age, it is normal to her being childish. I know he didn't buy it because he is kinda egoistic.

Mid-December, I don't know where was wrong when he start to drift apart from me. I felt anxious. He did came to his supervisor room but he didn't greet me at all. All I can do was looked his reflection through the mirror. I know why this feeling named crush. Your heart is crushing cause you cannot let it out and express the love to that person. Not at all when that person had a lover. And I was powerless.

p/s: please do correct my grammar and I want to learn some new words for my story.

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  1. Perhaps, he realized your feelings or maybe, he had the mutual feeling but he don't want to abandon his girl.. Whatever it is, be strong gurl and I feel you.. Q_Q

  2. At least, you still got the chance to talk to him, some people do not even have the courage to talk to their crush sobs (AHA, TOTALLY NOT TALKING BOUT ME)

    (p/s: 'had a crush on him' instead of 'to him')

  3. I'm actually confused with the title. If you want to say "how can you know what your crush was thinking" it should be "How Can I Know What My Crush Means" but if you want to say "this is way the definition for the word crush" then it should be "This Is How I Know Why It Is Called Crush"

    But anyway, what a sad storyyyyy. To keep wondering and hoping. At least a closure would be nice.



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